motherknows | Recent Entries

Well! Lila and Allison, one of you had better start writing this instant!! The war has been over for well over a week now, and I haven't seen a word from either of you! Allison I can expect, since I haven't seen her writing at all since this all came back, but Lila? I understand if things have been busy over there, but it would cheer us all to have some word from you...

[Filter: Private]

It's just the four of us sitting around like old times, wishing there were children still underfoot. I don't even know why we're doing the story. Just... tradition, I suppose. And they know I do like to tell it ...

Oh, and of course cooking the dumplings is always fun, but it's not as if there's anyone to scold for snatching too many. Gregory does it for sport sometimes, but even he knows it's not the same.

And it's one of those days, if memory serves me. I really shouldn't think about that, but there it is, hanging there.

[Filter: Public]

Goodness gracious, the snow is still on the ground and here is the Moon Festival already. I can't get over how early it is this year ... but the moons will do as they will, I suppose. Just yesterday we were exchanging dumpling recipes, it's amazing just what can be done with them.

[Filter: Private]

And the yard is no longer lonely. Let them all talk, I suppose. It was nice, and I think even Juniper needed the experience.

Every day with no news draws ever more worrying. Has nothing changed? I'll give it just a little more, but then ...

[Filter: Public]

... And now you're another year older as well, Lila. Happy birthday. Goodness, there I was, preparing that strawberry shortcake you love so much. Now it's more of a conversation piece for your father and I, and your Aunt Juniper will come over to help us finish it. But I thought I'd write first, before blowing out any candles on your behalf ... I do hope you're well today.

[Filter: Private]

... and time soldiers on.

It always does.

I shouldn't keep coming back to this.

[Filter: Public]

The yard looks so lonely without any snow people in it.

[Filter: Private]

My baby.

I don't know what's worse sometimes; remembering so clearly that she truly was taken from us on Rose Day, or having her birthday come around not so much longer later. It's as if after that dinner with Greg, the world stops for a while. Years of this...

It's so quiet, now. All of their bedrooms are empty, this house has never been cleaner, and the weather is wretchedly cold again. It was always worth it when I could watch them all go out and play in the snow, no matter how much I scolded for forgetting scarves and mittens. Getting water and snow tracked all over the floor ...

Now the yard is empty, no snow forts or snowmen or anything of the sort. I almost feel as if I should head out and put one up myself. Robin would be proud, wouldn't he? At least then the yard wouldn't look so dreadfully empty.

Although I'm sure then Greg would worry, and I'm worrying him enough as it is when I ... I could sit and cry all night, and all he'd really be able to do would be to sit there with me and let me do it, or talk about various memories, when they're all we have with us.

And even then, it's hardly enough, is it...

[Filter: Public]

[For the first few moments there are just pentaps.]

I know it's been a long time for some of you, so I understand if this request may seem a little odd - perhaps, even, too late ... and of course, you don't have to answer if you don't want to.

My daughter, Corrina, would have a birthday today, and I was just wondering ... if anyone had any particular memories, or little moments with her, that they could share. When these books were erased, so many of the things she had told me were lost, and ...

Well, I just - I do think she ... I just ... need to know how you remember her. Please.

[Filter: Private]

These - awful people. I wish they wouldn't write. Turning this all into - don't they know what death is, that people can be involved who don't want to be, who have no reason to be and here they are playing as if it's all a game and -

Disgusting!!!

And yet here I am, writing again, when I could just put this away and be done with it again. Except with Lila's update of the North and Robin not being home ...

I hope Lelani's response arrives soon. I need some good news for once. And speaking of news ...

[Filter: Public]

I've heard the strangest thing after services. Farmers to the south and east of here have been complaining of missing livestock, and all the talk has come this way. Some are worried it might be another plague coming through ... though I certainly hope that isn't the case. Makes me want to hurry right back home to make sure everything is still in place ...

[Filter: Private]

... Wiped clean again I see. For the most part.

And yet here I find myself again, writing, as if nothing's happened. Maybe I did miss it, just me and this book, in some way.

Or maybe I'm just lonely, haha. The house is so quiet, especially with this weather. There's only so many conversations Greg and I can have amongst ourselves, and we're lucky if Juniper can make it over for tea on a good day.

The house is tidy, spotless, quiet. I suppose it was only right, that he finally left with Gary this time. But I'm not used to him not being here for his birthday. Robbie was always the one at home... well. I can only hope that his gift and letter reached him on time.

And maybe he is... actually working, and focusing on his future possibilities for once. I truly wonder if it is so. I only hope that it is so.

Although, speaking of letters... and just ... the timing...

Mother is ill. I haven't seen her in so long, and yet even by Lelanie's letter, she seems surprised to write of it. All that she writes is that she tires easily, and her appetite's starting to wane, but for now she still seems ... unstoppable. It's funny; I can hardly imagine how she looks now.

But of course, her letter was written many weeks before it came to me.

... Which brings me here, of all places.

I'm probably being silly. Greg thinks it's just my worrying again, but ... well, I have to find out more, don't I? What method is faster than this? If there is a need for us to go - after all these years, even if it was to just see - now, I shouldn't waste any more time.

[Filter: Public, in Atsirian]

Good day. Are there any people around that are currently staying in Cleraine? I may have something of an odd request.

Current Mood: indescribable

[Filter: Private]

... Haha.

An opportunity for him. One that... so many years ago, I would have gladly urged him to take. And yet now I sit here with Greg and all I can think of is how empty this house will be. Sure, we have the kittens, but they'll be getting large soon and desiring less attention.

Eblar is simply... so far away. And with Corrina ... gone, and Lila gone for goodness knows how long, without Robbie it would just be... so different, here.

An opportunity. But can I really watch him go? It's obvious he's thinking about it now. The first time he's seemed truly interested in such a thing. I wonder ...

I do wonder. There's hardly much time, is there?

Current Mood: blank

Now Robin, I am beginning to think that some day we will be eaten out of house and home, and that time may be coming sooner than we're prepared for! Not that I don't mind the company; it's been rather refreshing to have Gary here. He'll probably be heading on his way soon, now, won't he? I'm certain his own family must be missing the chance to put a good meal in him, haha...

Current Mood: thoughtful

[Filter: Private]

It's always just that one little thing...

Another year.

Corrina would have liked him. He's very like Robin, in some ways. I can even see the way she would have smiled at him, laughed at his jokes, and given him something of a big brother treatment. He seems to have that quality...

It's just... so disorienting, coming into contact with people who don't know. People who are are so removed from these journals that life just goes on unchanged for them. Especially for one who seems so close with Robin. They seem to get along so well. It's... good for him. He needs this... friends his own age. He's always needed that.

Dragons preserve us.

Current Mood: sad

[Filter: Private]

It's... been nice, to see Robbie interacting with one of his friends. It's not something that I've seen for quite a while. He's never really had company over before, not with the girls here.

And it's been so long since they've all been here...

[Filter: Public]

Haha, honestly... with the way you boys keep eating, I'm going to have to make trips to the store more often! There's hardly been any leftovers, and I feel as if I'm making twice as many desserts now.

Current Mood: contemplative

Robin, have you seen Peaches? Cream showed up when I called, but I just can't seem to find her anywhere. You don't think she could have snuck outside, do you?

Honestly, it's like having a small child in the house, sometimes.

Current Mood: worried

[Filter: Private]

Even with neighbors popping in all day, this house still gets to feeling empty when I have more than a few moments to myself. Even when we had those pies delivered to the church for those who are in less fortunate positions than ourselves...

It's just not the same without family close. Without this family. I had come to forget how ... lonely festivals could seem. And Greg ... haha, he certainly changed all of that for me. He still hasn't talked about that time, either...

Mm. But there's no reason to darken the day with these thoughts. Not when it's meant to be such a positive day.

Current Mood: thoughtful

[Filter: Private]

It's funny...

Even after conferring with Juniper, all we've really seem to have come to the conclusion of is that we truly are not able to have such a strong role in the lives of our children that we would like, after all this time. Allison is her baby, much as Corrina's had been mine, and yet she and Lila are still far away. Knights, even, and taking that step... it's certainly far from the hands of worrisome mothers, isn't it? And Robin... well, it isn't as if I truly do get far with him. Lately he's been more responsible, but...

Still here at home at his age, with so little responsibilities. I haven't sent him to find work for a while, either, and for the longest time it was because I needed him here, needed him close. And while I still do... there has to be more I can do so that he really will be able to manage, once Greg and I are too old. Greg especially has been feeling it lately, and I'm not exactly young. It won't be long before the true reminder of that sets in, and then where will we be?

And everyone here complains about reaching thirty. I remember thirty. Our lives were so different then... and the sea of years in between can feel like an ocean. Even watching the cats play, as if they were my children... it shouldn't feel this tiring.

[Filter: Public]

It occurs to me that something like this has not been done for a while... but given the time of year, it seems fitting to ask.

Most people seem to have someone or ... something, in their lives ... that means a lot to them significantly, whether it is something in the moment, or something that has been their for their entire lives. While some of these can be intensely personal, there are various things that could fall into that category... even if it's just being thankful that you have one of these journals to keep in touch with those far from you.

So ... what are you all thankful for, this year? What is it... that keeps you going forward, each day.

Current Mood: pensive

[Filter: Private]

This is one of the only holidays that can get quite tiring. I'd appreciate celebrating the gift of fire much more in the winter.

I'm just glad that the day is nearly over. I am exhausted.

Current Mood: hot

[Filter: Private]

It was difficult not to notice that entry. I had no idea our birthdays were even that close ... it's rather strange, isn't it? And he's so hard, now. ... Bitter. I never was happy with the idea, but I know that Corrina would not be happy with that.

Haha, and I really have no right to say anything at all to him. Surely he has others around him who would? Or perhaps they're simply too afraid to tread those roads, as proven by the way that discussion went. I wouldn't blame them.

... It isn't really my place.

[Filter: Robin]

You did such a fantastic job putting everything together the other day! Everyone keeps going on about how it was all your idea, as well. It really was just wonderful. Thank you, Robbie.

Current Mood: calm

[Filter: Private]

It's nice to be able to spend such a day reminiscing with old friends. It's always a little shocking, thinking of how many years have passed since those days. Another birthday this month. The time just passes, despite whatever roadblocks are in the way. An afternoon of Greg and Garrison trying to outdo one another with their recollections, with Juniper quietly correcting them both once they've gone too far... well, I do have my own tidbits to slip in, but they're only thankful that I've learned not to do it too often. Far be it for me to ruin the mood. I suppose it isn't even worth it to let those thoughts here ...

It is refreshing to remember the good in those days. It especially helps when my memories are more suited for the worst kind of details. Lighten up, indeed. I remember when Alyssia used to say that, when I'd get particularly sullen. I can even hear her saying it now, and that's a voice long lost to time itself. 'Lighten up, Suzy.' Perhaps I have all this time with Robin to thank for that.

Current Mood: thoughtful

[Filter: Private]

It's funny...

Greg thinks we've both lost our heads, of course, with the way we have been going at it these past few weeks. Even longer, with this issue. At the same time, he's pointed out... it's been a while since he's seen us both seem so ... hm. Happy is too strong a word, but we really have been enjoying ourselves with all of this somehow, haven't we? I hated the situation, but once I saw that cat ...

Even thinking of Corrina, and how she'd react to them, I can't say it is overwhelming me with despair. I wish that she could be here to play with them, but that's ... another time. Another place, perhaps.

At least having kittens around will hopefully add to this sense of responsibility that Robin seems to be acquiring lately ... though I probably shouldn't hold my breath on that.

Current Mood: calm

[Filter: Private]

Finally. Just barely old enough to leave it's mother, but what more could be done? It seems like mice have become a fairly large problem all over the area. At least it isn't just us.

I just can't help but think of how much Corrina would adore her. She's perfect, so small and white. And there's still a name to think of.

[Filter: Public]

Robin, we're back from town. Your father needs a little help unloading the wagon, so if you aren't sleeping somewhere I hope that you're reading since I can't seem to find you!!

Current Mood: productive

[Filter: Private]

This infestation ...

It must have been going on all this time. Since we were gone, and even worse now that we're home. And how did we not notice how bad it had gotten?

... Probably the heat. Last year we were more focused on getting things settled, it would have been easier for them to hide. This year ...

Even so I would not have thought it to be this bad!

We truly do need a cat in here. The ones in the barn... I doubt we could get close enough. They are rather prideful things. Any cat that comes in this house stays in this house.

... It's really not a bad idea.